funny videos, funny pictures, funny stories ... in fact just funny stuff! when you want a laugh

Little Johnnie.
Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby.' The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Little Johnnie. Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?'

'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.' 'That's great', said Little Johnnie,'coz he'd be f***ed if he needed glasses'.

Call Centres.
Customer: "I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?" Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?" Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?" Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about". Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France): "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please". Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?" Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?" Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop". Customer: "OK". Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No". Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No". Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?"

back Like'em? here's some more